I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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