i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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