I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
