why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
