I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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