dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Randomize
