two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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