I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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