So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Welp...herpes.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
