Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
