I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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