ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
