I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We need to rekindle our bromance
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
