i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
