we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
