dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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