am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
then he tried to convert me to islam
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
