His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
