What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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