so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
