Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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