I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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