Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
