I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
