so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
