okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
