Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
