she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
