i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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