she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
