Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
