the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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