pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
