Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
