Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize