accomplished twins. life is a go
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
