ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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