The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
