I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
