Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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