i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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