My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
