Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She's not a foreskin expert like you
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize