He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
