i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize