Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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