guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
