she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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