I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Pants are for mortals
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
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