don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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