Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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