Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
