i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize