At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize