is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
time to smoke my breakfast
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
