the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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