He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
