they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize