she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
