3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i permit you to call me
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
