i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize