u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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