My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
