You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize