He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
