He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
sex in a hospital.. check
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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