I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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