Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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