Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
