a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Watching her eat just hurts me
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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